All Dilemmas

Control Over Reactions: Should Bjorn set a boundary with Hana or quietly absorb her bad mood?

By Epictetus•Relationships & Social Skills•2 min read•Grade 8.5
Classroom
Intermediate

Overview

Think of a child who gets upset when a friend doesn't play with them. If they realize that their feelings are based on their own thoughts about the situation, they can choose to stay calm and find other friends to play with.

The Choice

Should Bjorn set a boundary with Hana or quietly absorb her bad mood?

Quick Stats

Grade Band
Grades 6-8
Reading Level
Level 8.451888165453852
Word Count
373 words
Published
Mar 23, 2026

The Dilemma

Bjorn and Hana are best friends who usually walk home from school together. One day, Hana is upset because she didn't do well on a test. Bjorn tries to cheer her up, but Hana snaps at him. Bjorn feels hurt and wonders what to do next. He can either react by getting upset and arguing back, or he can choose to stay calm and understand that Hana is having a tough day. Bjorn now faces a choice: (A) calmly tell Hana that snapping at him is not okay, because friends should not take their frustrations out on each other, or (B) let it go and just be there for Hana without mentioning how she spoke to him, because she is clearly having a rough day.

Values in Tension

This dilemma explores the tension between two important values:

Loyalty
vs
Self-Discipline

Consider how these values might conflict or complement each other in this situation.

Your Options

A

Calmly tell Hana that snapping at him is not okay, because friends should not take their frustrations out on each other

B

Let it go and just be there for Hana without saying anything about how she spoke to him, because she is clearly having a rough day

Questions for Reflection

Take a moment to consider these questions. There are no "right" answers – the goal is to explore different perspectives and develop your own reasoning.

  1. 1

    What would you do, and why?

  2. 2

    How does 'Control Over Reactions' apply here?

  3. 3

    What are the consequences of each choice?

  4. 4

    How might Epictetus advise Bjorn here?

  5. 5

    Turn & tell: What would our class consider the proper action here, and why?

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Philosophical Perspective

Insights from Epictetus

Take a moment to form your own thoughts first, then click to explore philosophical perspectives.

Related Topics

friendship
self-control
empathy
Portrait of Epictetus

Epictetusc. 50-c. 135

Epictetus (c. 50 – c. 135 AD) was a prominent Stoic philosopher who began life as a slave in Phrygia. After gaining freedom, he taught philosophy in Rome and later established a renowned school in Nicopolis. Though he wrote nothing, his teachings, recorded …

Stoicism
The Dichotomy of Control (what is in our power vs. what is not)
Prohairesis (Moral Choice/Volition) and the Correct Use of Impressions
Explore how Epictetus informs this dilemma and discover additional ethical puzzles shaped by their ideas.
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Lesson Plans

Quick Fire5 min

Control Over Reactions — 5-10 minutes

Learning objectives:

  • -Identify the core ethical tension
  • -Make a quick, reasoned choice

Discussion prompts:

  • 1.Which option did you choose, and why?
  • 2.What would you give up with each choice?
participation
Classroom
Standard15 min

Control Over Reactions — 15-20 minutes

Learning objectives:

  • -Identify competing values
  • -Articulate trade-offs

Discussion prompts:

  • 1.What would you lose by choosing each option?
  • 2.Is there a third path?
participation
Classroom